It has been a rough week, maybe more accurately described as “bumpy”. The restful weekend with husband and friends was replaced with a Monday of stressful work and mourning for the sudden death of a dear friend. The world turned ugly so fast, I almost couldn’t catch my breath, from one friend who was suffering great turmoil in her family, turmoil that had her reeling and unable to plant her feet firmly on her faith, to another friend who gave up altogether and took her own life.
The worry for one, and the deep sadness and loss felt for the other, created in me an emotional train wreck, that without God’s answer to my prayers, would have derailed me for a time. I cried on and off over for two days. My heart hurt so bad. What I learned this week is that if I love deeply, I will also feel deep pain.
For weeks now, I have been praying that God would help me see people through His eyes. That has been happening, and the result is I see people with eyes of love. You know how we can make instant judgments about people by what they are wearing, their age, their weight, their sex, their color, and so much more? Well, all that has disappeared from my life. All of it. I was not a huge judge of people, but I was not innocent of instant judgments at times. It is amazingly wonderful when judgment disappears. Amazing, yes, but as I learned this week deeply caring for others, has a rough side – sadness and grief.
I really believe it is God’s will for us to love each other, and not just the ones who are nice and loving to us. It has been wonderful to begin to see people through His eyes of love, and I would not give that up for any bit of peace. Rather I seek His peace and His strength in the pain, as I hurt for others and with others.
This week my prayer cry was “I am not strong enough.” I cried out to God, not because I wanted Him to take the love away, but because I needed him to make me stronger to match the pain I was feeling (and will feel as long as love is the bond). I long for God to fill me with as much love as He is willing, but the strength to carry it as well.
Yes, this is the longing of my soul…to love people with God’s love, and to have the strength and peace of God to share and endure their pain and hurt. I know God will only give me what my human heart and soul can hold, but there is still room.
For He satisfies the longing soul,
And fills the hungry soul with goodness. (Psalm 107:9)
God, You know the longing of my soul, please fill my hungry soul with your goodness and your love. Please continue to lift me from despair and grief when the rolls of darkness threaten to consume me. Let me be Your light in the darkness and your love in a world that is more and more filled with hatred and anger. Thank you for the joy of love. Amen
After Emmanuel 